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August 11th, 2007

janackeh @ 08:40 pm: sin simply perpetuates the cookie factory cycle
im sitting in the break room at work eating some of the nastiest strawberry creme cookies ive ever had. i mean--it was completely out of desperation that i chose them in the first place--they come 16 to a pack and at 55 cents, its a deal. so im sitting here thinking about how NOT so good these cookies are and imagining how they came to be in this vending machine with all of the much more appetizing choices. then i think of how many other people, like me, were desperate for some sugar and saw that these cookies seemed to be the best value and chose them just on that premise alone, only to be sadly disappointed at their let down.

then i think of the factory that processes and packages these cookies--how successful it must be simply because of people like me who wanted a little sugar boost at a cheap price from the office vending machine. and all of that then reminds me of sin. how it looks like something great on the outside, something worthy of our time and attention, yet it is just waiting to burn us. how the satisfaction is never quite achieved and how sin simply perpetuates the cookie factory cycle. it becomes a habit, and when you look back to the source--its so much greater and has more power than when it started. and then we fall into guilt-just like when the sugar high leaves and the terrible after taste of artifical flavoring remains.

so how do we stop that cycle and stop the burn? the Bible says to not only stop but turn away from. im the first person to admit how difficult that actually is. when i get in the habit of something, i am IN THE HABIT. i mean, it becomes a part of me. when i have made sins my habits--its terrible...gossiping, lying, manipulating--ive doen them all. but on the other side of that, i now know that the answer to breaking the cycle relied heavily on my decision to turn to Jesus and simply do the right thing. it is hard...i mean really hard. but He is there with us, whispering to us in that still small voice, helping us along the way.

so next time you are caught at the office vending machine and need a quick fix--raid the employee fridge instead! (no, just kidding...kind of)...choose wisely, in every aspect of your life.

January 15th, 2007

janackeh @ 10:09 am: why no posters...?
hey you out there--post! this is your community, not just mine, lets all get some dialog going about what the Lord is doing in our lives this year...

December 14th, 2006

janackeh @ 05:53 pm: 2006
as this year draws to a close, i am so so ready for it to be over. im tired. im exhausted. im worn out. im distracted. im shocked at the time i have wasted this year...spiritually...artistically...musically. my soul is on fire and i am just allowing it to burn away, ashes, just ashes.

i want the Lord to speak to me, yet i don't really listen...do i? ive closed my ears spiritually and just checked out. ive been hurt by friendships ending and misunderstandings and petty drama and i've allowed that to influence me in such a profoundly saddening way. i keep turning around and looking back to what was and what could have been on the inside i can feel myself giving up....I CAN FEEL MYSELF GIVING UP.

its frightening.

so what has your year meant to you spiritually?

September 26th, 2006

janackeh @ 12:21 am: exhaustion can be the worst of enemies or the best of friends
im exhausted physically from doing absolutely nothing. my soul is so quiet inside me i can hear a pin drop. im up way too late because my mind refuses to shut off.
im in hiding.
or rather, my soul is in hiding. ive been hiding from God for the last few months. ive been wasting so much precious time feeling sorry for myself and my situation.
im jobless and penniless and my girlfriend supports me.
we live with my father and this living situation is getting...
well, difficult is putting it mildly.
i cannot honestly say when the last time was that i opened my Bible,
i cannot honestly say when the last time was that i prayed authentically,
i cannot honestly say when the last time was that i worshipped whole heartedly.

yes, i can feel my soul dying, i can feel the fire being extinquished...
and all because my situation is a bit uncomfortable and im not sure what to do

where is my faith? where is my surrender??? why am i not going to my Heavenly Father, as empty as I am and talking to Him?
...why this wilderness??
why am i allowing this loneliness, this emptiness?

September 22nd, 2006

janackeh @ 10:07 am: ..:: welcome ::..
Whether you have a relationship with Jesus Christ or are curious about having one, this community is for you. Whether you have a full understanding about reconciling homosexuality with spirituality (a relationship with Jesus Christ) or you want to understand it, this community is for you. Whether you have many questions or you are gifted with encouragement, this community is for you.
i know that all of us have stories, questions and experiences relating to our spiritual lives with Christ and our lives as homosexual women and sometimes there is no other way to get it off your chest than to sit and type it out, hoping that someone might understand, empathize and have a kind word of encouragement for you.

i know the feeling. this is why i have created this community.

the other reason i created this community is because God has also called me to be a mouthpiece of sorts, to a Chrisitan generation that i feel really wants to embrace us as part of the Body of Christ, but doesn't know how. i see a revolution rising up of straight Christians coming together and saying "we affirm you as lesbians and as women of God". as the Lord is opening up more straight believers' eyes about what the bible really says about homosexuality and opening our eyes as homosexuals to what it means to be saved, a great new Body of Believers is rising out of the ashes of religion and opening up to TRUE spirituality born out of an authentic encounter with a God who is real, alive, and very much at work in our lives today.

please feel free to open up and spill out what you're holding inside.

matthew 11:28
come to me all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (niv)

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